Then we were to identify the losses connected to these areas. There are primary losses that are physical or material. There are also secondary losses that have a deeper impact. You can have your computer stolen which is a primary loss, but the secondary loss may be a loss of security and trust, the loss of all your documents, etc. Satan’s schemes are to rob us physically, emotionally and spiritually, but Jesus comes to give us life abundant.
Erik Spruyt, the director at Le Rucher, shared his concept of loss:
• Every loss creates its own set of needs.
• Recovery is complete when all loss specific needs have been met again.
• Traumatic loss may carry damage, may be irreversible, may be overwhelming – loss of control
• Loss creates a break in life: a before and after
• All loss is associated with grief
• Loss adjustment is similar to a grieving process
• Biblical view on loss, death and dying; How does Jesus handle the situation around the death of Lazarus?
Pain that we experience needs to be healed, not forgiven. Can we trust Jesus with our pain? He wants to be our pain-bearer. When there is pain in our hearts there is no room for us to forgive ourselves or others. We must allow Jesus to take the pain so we have the freedom to forgive. Is. 53:4 He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. By His stripes we are healed. v. 6 Many times we don’t know how to release our pain and use coping mechanisms to deal with it such as alcohol, TV, illicit sex, shopping, overeating, manipulation, etc. Jesus is honored when we release our pain to him and receive His healing. He will give us beauty instead of ashes, joy instead of mourning and praise instead of despair. Those who have grieved and mourned will be strong oaks for His own glory. (Lk. 18:31-33)
The story was told of a Rwandan man whose home was burned and his sons killed by his neighbors during the genocide. He was angry and bitter for years and had severe physical side effects. Finally he allowed Jesus to take his pain. He has healed inside and out and able to forgive his neighbors and be reconciled to them. Now they work together in a reconciliation ministry.
The next day we looked at the stages of grief:
I. Shock, numbness, denial, emotional outbursts
II. Anger, fear, searchings, disorganization, panic
III. Shame, loneliness, guilt, isolation, depression, “re-entry” troubles
IV. Celebrant, helping others, affirmation, hope, new patterns and habits, new strengths, new relationships
These were positioned around a big U with I and II on one side and III and IV on the other. The verse in the middle is Ps 23:4 – “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me…” If we try to jump over the top of the U and not go through the grieving process it is like burying something that is still alive. When we do that, it will always pop up in some way.
We looked at the story of the road to Emmaus. Jesus walked and talked with the men but they were kept from recognizing him. Sometimes God hides from us but later he opens our eyes. He always has a purpose for this even though we may not understand when we are going through it. As they arrived in the village Jesus acted as if he were going farther. They urged him strongly to stay and He did. Jesus always waits to be invited. He will not force his healing or himself on us. He wants us to ask.
I hope some of these things are helpful to you as they were to us. It was a wonderful gift to be able to express ourselves to our debriefers and be listened to for four days. The setting was beautiful and restful and just what we needed at the beginning of our leave.
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