Debrief Learnings

While we were on our debrief we were first asked to create a timeline and we could choose the length of it to be debriefed on. We were asked to identify the following areas: change, concerns, criticisms, conflicts and crises. When they are on a timeline one can identify if there has been too much of one or if they have been too intense or too frequent. We needed to process what the effect of these has been.

Then we were to identify the losses connected to these areas. There are primary losses that are physical or material. There are also secondary losses that have a deeper impact. You can have your computer stolen which is a primary loss, but the secondary loss may be a loss of security and trust, the loss of all your documents, etc. Satan’s schemes are to rob us physically, emotionally and spiritually, but Jesus comes to give us life abundant.

Erik Spruyt, the director at Le Rucher, shared his concept of loss:
• Every loss creates its own set of needs.
• Recovery is complete when all loss specific needs have been met again.
• Traumatic loss may carry damage, may be irreversible, may be overwhelming – loss of control
• Loss creates a break in life: a before and after
• All loss is associated with grief
• Loss adjustment is similar to a grieving process
• Biblical view on loss, death and dying; How does Jesus handle the situation around the death of Lazarus?

Pain that we experience needs to be healed, not forgiven. Can we trust Jesus with our pain? He wants to be our pain-bearer. When there is pain in our hearts there is no room for us to forgive ourselves or others. We must allow Jesus to take the pain so we have the freedom to forgive. Is. 53:4 He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. By His stripes we are healed. v. 6 Many times we don’t know how to release our pain and use coping mechanisms to deal with it such as alcohol, TV, illicit sex, shopping, overeating, manipulation, etc. Jesus is honored when we release our pain to him and receive His healing. He will give us beauty instead of ashes, joy instead of mourning and praise instead of despair. Those who have grieved and mourned will be strong oaks for His own glory. (Lk. 18:31-33)

The story was told of a Rwandan man whose home was burned and his sons killed by his neighbors during the genocide. He was angry and bitter for years and had severe physical side effects. Finally he allowed Jesus to take his pain. He has healed inside and out and able to forgive his neighbors and be reconciled to them. Now they work together in a reconciliation ministry.

The next day we looked at the stages of grief:
I. Shock, numbness, denial, emotional outbursts
II. Anger, fear, searchings, disorganization, panic
III. Shame, loneliness, guilt, isolation, depression, “re-entry” troubles
IV. Celebrant, helping others, affirmation, hope, new patterns and habits, new strengths, new relationships

These were positioned around a big U with I and II on one side and III and IV on the other. The verse in the middle is Ps 23:4 – “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me…” If we try to jump over the top of the U and not go through the grieving process it is like burying something that is still alive. When we do that, it will always pop up in some way.

We looked at the story of the road to Emmaus. Jesus walked and talked with the men but they were kept from recognizing him. Sometimes God hides from us but later he opens our eyes. He always has a purpose for this even though we may not understand when we are going through it. As they arrived in the village Jesus acted as if he were going farther. They urged him strongly to stay and He did. Jesus always waits to be invited. He will not force his healing or himself on us. He wants us to ask.

I hope some of these things are helpful to you as they were to us. It was a wonderful gift to be able to express ourselves to our debriefers and be listened to for four days. The setting was beautiful and restful and just what we needed at the beginning of our leave.

We've Been on the Move

I can see that a lot has happened since we last wrote.

In early May I trained someone from Ohio who came with her husband to take over my church partner responsibilities. They really have servant hearts and were not afraid to tackle home jobs and work in the kitchen. They were a blessing!

Steve worked hard at getting his responsibilities handed off - especially with the coconut oil business. He had so much going through his head that he would wake up at 4 and not be able to sleep, so he'd get up.

A friend is renting our house while we are gone. This meant that what didn't go in a suitcase was packed away in a large closet so that she would have empty drawers and closets. It was almost like packing to move!

At work they gave us a farewell with a nice meal on the roof patio, speeches and all. It was very touching. One co-worker said that we are like mom and dad to them.



Our first stop was Geneva where we spent the day with our daughter's friend. We walked around the city a bit and enjoyed the beauty and the company. Then we were off to Le Rucher for a debrief retreat just across the border in France. The scenery was breathtaking and the peaceful rural setting was just what our tired bodies needed.


Mt Blanc was 50 miles from the front door.





















We had a good time as a group and our debriefers were great. Sarah Lanier, author of "Foreign to Familiar" was one of the debriefers. It was great to meet her after enjoying her book and recommending it to many.


There was beauty all around us. I was even impressed with the birdsong! It was just what we needed.


Our next stop was Washington DC for our son-in-law's graduation from Georgetown. Here he is with his PhD diploma in economics and it's in Latin! Thankfully they gave him a translation.


We went out on the town to the new Martin Luther King memorial, then walked through the FDR Memorial and went to the Jefferson Memorial as well. Who knows when we'll be back in DC. It's been a fun place to visit.














We even got in a baseball game in the evening. The Nationals have become Janelle's favorite team and she will miss them when they move. I was impressed with the fun atmosphere and intermingling of fans. It was nothing like the soccer game in Brazil with a police force between the fans and German Shepherds lining the edges of the field!

We had a couple of intense days at WR in Baltimore. But we also had fun in the evenings and even got to see Ellen, a friend who was in our small group in Mozambique. She took us to a delightful Afghani restaurant.


And now we are home and enjoying every minute of reconnecting with friends and family and just resting for awhile. We will have more activity in the middle of the month but for now it's great to just be.